The Sumasshedshaya speaks

I was interviewed on AmyBeth Inverness's blog yesterday: http://amybethinverness.com/2011/04/08/interview-with-jane-kindred/

It was "today" when I started this post, but then a cookie recipe disaster derailed my plans. The recipe for my favorite cookies ever, Chocolate Peanut Butter Drop Quickies, has disappeared. I suspect the domovoi.

Seriously. Look at him! You know he knows what he's done.

This is a disaster of epic proportions. I've had this recipe since I was ten, complete with misspelling of "Choclate" and a carroted "O" stuck in, and stained with blotches of chocolate from years gone by. These cookies cure all ills.

You do not want to be around when I cannot find this recipe. This is when you will truly see the Сумасшедшая. And who is that? Well, go read the interview and find out.

Update: By request, here's the infamous recipe, courtesy of my dear friend "GrrrArgh" who found a copy of it and saved me from madness:

Chocolate Peanut Butter Drop Quickies

Boil for one minute (after letting the mixture come to a full, rolling boil):

2 cups sugar ½ cup milk ½ cup butter 3 tbsp cocoa ¼ tsp salt

Remove from heat and add 3 cups quick oats, ½ cup peanut butter, and 1 tsp of vanilla. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto waxed paper and let cool.

You can find similar recipes all over the Internet, which I did when I searched last night, but none seem to have this exact combo of ingredients and measures. Food of the gods.

An interview with Marie Sexton

Paris A to Z by Marie Sexton
Paris A to Z by Marie Sexton

Smexy writer Marie Sexton graciously agreed to be my first victim—er, interview subject—on the blog. I barely let her get a word in edgewise, but she managed to give me some really interesting answers all the same. Marie's latest m/m erotic romance, Paris A to Z, hits the virtual shelves today at Dreamspinner Press. Zach Mitchell and his lover Angelo Green are headed to Paris (along with their Coda friends Matt and Jared) to attend Jon and Cole’s wedding. Matt will have to face Jared’s former lover, and Angelo will have to spend an entire week with Zach’s ex-boyfriend. Between Matt’s jealousy and Angelo’s temper, Zach thinks they’ll be lucky to get through the week without one of the grooms being punched. But Zach soon realizes he should worry less about Angelo and more about himself. Facing the bittersweet memories of his past and his own guilt over breaking Jon’s heart is harder than expected, but Zach will have to find a way to leave his past behind if he’s to have any hope of the future he wants with Angelo.

So, Marie, you write m/m erotic romance. Before I had the pleasure of meeting you and reading your books, I'd never heard of this genre classification. It seems a few years ago, it was just called "gay" romance/erotica—Cleis Press's Best Gay Erotica series, for example, is still quite popular, as well as a number of gay romance titles—and was, as far as I know, written largely by men for men.

I see "m/m" as a new genre that seems to be dominated by women, both writers and readers. Would you say that's true? Why do you think this came about?

I think this is a convergence of three things (bearing in mind that I do not claim to be an expert on much of anything). First, the stories you're referring to, written mostly by gay men, for gay men. Second, the explosion of slash fanfic being written by women online. Third, the sudden boom of the epublishing world. With its low overhead, it's perfect for niche genres. Those three things collided and birthed this genre that is now growing like crazy.

Ah, I sort of skipped over the whole slash fiction thing. Love the idea (Kirk/Spock was one of my earliest fantasies!), frightened of the execution. ;) But now that you mention it, it makes a lot of sense that slash would have played a part.

Do you think there's a difference between m/m erotica written with gay male audiences in mind such as Cleis's books versus the kind of m/m that's become so popular in the epublishing world? Or do you think it's just reaching a wider audience with the advent of epublishing?

Well, that's tough. First, there's gay literature, and then there's gay romance and/or erotica. And those are definitely different. But as far as gay romance or erotica: is what's written by and for men different than what's written by and for women? Some people say yes. Some people say no. One of the things that's often pointed out is that women concentrate too much on romance and not enough on sex, and I can sort of see that. But I think that's a symptom of the romance genre (vs. erotica or out-and-out porn). I don't think it really has that much to do with the gender of the writer.

I've also had people say to me, "I can read any m/m sex scene and tell you whether it was written by a man or a woman." But as soon as I question how, I get a load of bullshit in return. "Straight women always forget the lube!" Um, no we don't. Some maybe, but not all, because most of us writing about anal sex have actually HAD anal sex, believe it or not. And we use lube, too. "Gay men would never forget the refractory period!" Oh yeah? I could point out exceptions to that, too, by a very popular male author in the genre. Again, I think it's a trait of the romance genre in general, not a result of the author's gender. Now, I do understand that some women have written some m/m sex scenes that are just downright unrealistic (a tongue reaching the prostate?), but for the most part, I think people who claim that what ALL women write is somehow different from what ALL men write are kidding themselves. There are good writers, and there are bad writers, on both sides.

On an interesting side note, Cleis put out an anthology edited by sexologist and writer Carol Queen some years back called Switch Hitters: Lesbians Write Gay Male Erotica and Gay Men Write Lesbian Erotica, showcasing just how hot it can be when writers switch sides. :)

Speaking of lesbian erotica, I haven't seen a lot of f/f erotic romance among the epublishers alongside the m/m. I know it's not your area of interest, but do you think publishers are open to it and just aren't receiving submissions? Or do you think there isn't enough of an audience for it? I guess what I'm getting at is this: what is it about m/m erotic romance that makes it so popular and why has it taken off the way it has when its logical f/f counterpart has not?

That's a good question, and I'm not sure I know the answer, but I'll venture a guess. Some publishers are open to f/f, but I don't think the market for it is anywhere near as big as the market for m/m. I think a huge number of the women reading m/m either a) were reading het romance initially and grew weary of the perfect heroines who nobody can relate to, and/or b) they have serious issues with the sexual roles that women are shoved into in het sexual relations. But in either case, I think the majority of them are straight, and so the idea of reading about two women getting down and dirty together just isn't very appealing. But somehow, when it's two men? Damn! That's HOT, and as a female reader, I don't have to worry about whether I live up to that character, and I can forget the infuriating sexual politics of m/f (which I deal with every single day, so why would I want to read about it, too?).

That's an interesting point. I hadn't thought about why straight women might be drawn to m/m other than, Damn! That's HOT! ;) (The straight male equivalent, of course, has been a cliché for a long time...and they're not exactly looking for stories about love between two women, are they?)

We've talked before about the backlash you sometimes get for being a woman writing about men, criticism from people who think you can't possibly know what it's like to be a gay man and so therefore have no business writing about them. But it seems to me that if writers only wrote about people exactly like them  it wouldn't be very interestingand it wouldn't be fiction. Where do you think this backlash comes from? Is it readers who are unhappy with what's being published, or writers who feel like you're "horning in" on their turf? Do you think it has any validity?

I don't think it comes from readers at all. I've only ever seen this backlash coming from male authors. Now, I don't mean ALL male authors, by any means. Not even close. MOST of them are amazing and friendly and open and very gracious about sharing their genre with us. Most of them say that what really matters is the quality of the story, not the gender of the author. But there seem to be a very select few who really resent females for writing m/m.

Is it valid? Well, I'm not going to try to tell anybody that what they're feeling is invalid. But what I think gets missed is that none of us women are saying that we know exactly what it's like to be a gay man. Of course we don't! I don't even know exactly what it's like to be the straight white woman who lives right next door to me. I would never claim to know exactly what ANY other person is feeling. But I'm not writing gay literature. I'm writing romance, and romance is about falling in love. And I think love is much bigger than any label. I had somebody say, "What gives you the right to speak for us?" and my answer is, "Nothing." I don't claim to speak FOR gay men. I don't claim to speak for anybody other than myself - not gay men, not Coloradoans, not straight women, not soccer moms. Nobody. I'm writing a romance, not a manifesto. It's a story about love. That's all.

And the world needs more stories about love. The more the merrier, I say.

I've seen similar comments from men who feel discriminated against in the women's romance genres and complain that they have to write under a female pseudonym to get published. There aren't a whole lot of interesting careers where women dominate the playing field, so while I can understand their frustration, it frustrates me a bit in turn to hear complaints of "reverse discrimination." Plenty of women have had to write under a male pseudonym in the past to get where we are today. (And still do, if they want to be taken seriously in male-dominated genres like hard SF and thrillers.) Do you think misogyny plays a part in the criticism you've faced?

In some cases, I think that's all it boils down to, but not all. There are a lot of other issues involved: are we fetishizing gays, are we representing them fairly and accurately, are we helping or hurting their progress for equal and fair treatment, are we trying to speak for them? Those are all valid issues, and they're all complicated issues. I won't try to answer them all here. All I can really say is, we are not the enemy. We're really not.

I think you do an amazing job of putting yourself as a writer, and us as readers, into the minds and hearts—and bodies!—of men who love men. Do you think you may have been a gay man in a past life?

I have wondered. More than once.

Would you ever consider dressing in male drag? (OMG, HAWT!) How about just for me? ;)

Haha! Wow. Well, I've never thought about it, to be honest. Would that be hot? I don't think I could pull it off.

Girls in boy drag are always hot, passing or not. I could definitely see you with a Marlene Dietrich look.

(Slightly) more seriously, have you ever tried to pass and sneak into a men's club for research? I've seen some very feminine women do a good job of passing. Let me know if you want to come visit me in San Francisco and give it a try. We could drag (some pun intended) erotica writer Daisy Harris along; she says she needs to do some research.

I haven't ever tried to pass. When I was in college, we went dancing at the gay club all the time. It was hands-down the best club in town. But I haven't been there in YEARS. [Author] Heidi [Cullinan] and I did go to some gay clubs in Austin last October. I'd love to check out some San Fran hotspots, but I'd be way too paranoid to try to pass for a guy.

(For the record, I suspect you and I and Daisy could get into a lot of trouble together!)

I'm quite sure we could.

While we're on the subject of hot boys in clubs, I adore your character Angelo in the A to Z books.

(Big kiss for that!)

Awww. ~blush~ (Marie Sexton kissed me!) ;D

A to Z by Marie Sexton
A to Z by Marie Sexton

You've written three books in the series so far, part of the larger "Coda cannon" (I just coined that term; what do you think?): A to Z, The Letter Z, and your newest release, Paris A to Z. As a writer, I know how some characters just push themselves into our consciousness and demand to be written, and it feels like Angelo is one of those. (Who could say no to Angelo?) How did Angelo get into your head?

OMG, yes, Ang is definitely one of those. I always think of Ang as Athena, bursting forth from Zeus' skull. That was him all the way.

Initially, I didn't have his POV in A to Z, and Angelo was really a quiet little wallflower (I know, right?) who fell in love with Zach while Zach was in love with Tom. But it just wasn't working. I sent it to my friend Amy who, at the time, was my biggest supporter and cheerleader, and she said, "I want to know what Angelo is thinking." So I was driving in the car, thinking about Angelo, and the song Backfire (by Mutemath) came on, and suddenly: BOOM! He was there, totally filling my brain, just so loud, and so fucking pissed off, but really hurt underneath it all. I went home, and he just came pouring out. The first scene I wrote for him was the one where he goes to the club and picks up a guy, and that scene barely changed from first draft to last, and it's probably my favorite scene in the book. After that, it was all Angelo, for a couple of days. He completely took over ... well, not just my brain. Our entire household, really.

When that was done, I went back and I slotted him into Zach's story, then I stopped and read it straight through, and I was hit in the face with this very obvious thing: Angelo was in present tense! I sort of freaked! How did that happen? How had I spent three days with him ruling my head, and NOT have noticed that I was writing him WRONG? So then I spent an entire day going through and changing all of Angelo to past tense. I got up the next morning, and I read through what I had done, and I seriously started to cry, because that bright, loud, pissed-off guy in my head was GONE. He wasn't in the pages anymore at all. Instead of edgy and impetuous and impulsive, he was suddenly sort of whiny and wishy-washy and indecisive. I'm sure people will say a better author could have made it work, and maybe they're right, but I'm telling you, that past-tense person was NOT Angelo.

I sent both versions to the people who read for me at the time, and without fail, they all said, "The present tense is better." In fact, one of them said, "You either have to change him back, or you have to ditch him completely and find another guy for Zach to fall in love with, because this Angelo is no fun at all." Of course, Angelo was there in my head telling me that I better fucking not even think about letting another guy have Zach now, so for the first time (but certainly not the last), Angelo got exactly what he wanted, and I took some heat for it. He says, "What the fuck ever."

I love that Ang took over. When a character does that, you pretty much have to step out of the way; it's not your story anymore, it's theirs. Those are the best characters, in my opinion. (And I think I've told you before that I normally detest present tense in fiction, and yet when I read Angelo, it was so absolutely right that you instantly won me over.) Will we see more of Ang? (Oh, please! Oh, please!)

Well, if anybody could nag another story out of me, it would be him, but I think he's matured so much now, I'm not sure what will happen next.

I think Ang wants a baby. (~runs away~)

Wouldn't it be great if someone made the A to Z books into a movie? Do you think anyone's thought of optioning m/m erotic romance? I think it would sell like tasty little hotcakes. (You can tell your publisher I said so, if that'll help.)

That would be great! If it ever happens, you can be my date at the release party. But I'm sure not holding my breath!

You're on. You have to go in drag, though.

Who is your favorite character in your books? (Say "Ang." ~twisting your arm~)

It probably is Ang, honestly. He's sort of the voice of my pissed-off self, except with way bigger balls.

And I'm sure Zach thanks you for that last part. ;)

I know a lot of people prefer Cole. I do think Cole is pretty awesome. Thank you for that scene in The Letter Z. You know what I'm talking about. And also that other one that has nothing to do with Cole and involves eyeliner. (Oh, this isn't a question, just me drifting off into fantasy land.)

Ha! You're welcome for both. :-)

So. Cole. Was he inspired by anyone you know?

No. Actually, none of my characters are inspired by people I know. They're all just men who live in my head. The one exception is Nero Sensei and his karate school - that school with its balcony and its puking students actually exists (or did at one time).

Thank goodness my kung fu sifu never had that effect on her students!

Do you ever get flack for Cole being too fay? (Do people even use that word anymore? How old am I?) What do you tell the people who give you flack?

When Strawberries for Dessert hit the shelves (if you'll excuse the expression), people were divided into two camps. First, there was the group who already loved him and had been asking me, "What about Cole?" ever since Promises. On the other side was a far larger group of people saying, "I hate flamboyant characters," and, "I hate him for what he did in the previous books." Cole has won most of them over. ;-)

I was worried when I wrote it that people would say I was promoting a false stereotype, but I think men like Cole are underrepresented in m/m. Are all gay men flamboyant? Obviously not. Most of them aren't. But some are, and I wanted to embrace that. I did have one of my fans who emailed me right when it came out, and he said, "I don't know if I can stand a whole book of this guy. Does he ever butch up?" And I told him, "No, Cole never 'butches up', but there's more to him than meets the eye." He did end up reading it, and he gives me a hard time now for making him love a guy who he really didn't want to love.

To be honest, I can't totally relate to the more butch characters of Jared and Matt—when I hear the word "football," my brain partially shuts down ;)—though I still love their story. I think pushing them all together with Cole and Jonathan in Paris A to Z adds a lovely dynamic.

And on the subject of lovely dynamics, I'm a big fan of your "man candy" tweets on Twitter. Where do you find all of that lovely candy? Anybody ever give you a hard time for posting it? (I said "hard." Huh-huh-huh.)

I find a great deal of it on Artistry of Male. LOVE that site. http://artistryofmale.blogspot.com/

Nobody's ever given me a hard time. I do worry sometimes that it drives gay men crazy (not in a good way), and I hope that's not the case, but the positive response has really been amazing. I did it at first just because I was bored, and I had pictures of hot guys, and suddenly it seemed like that's what I was known for, so I figured, I may as well give people what they want. ;-)

Always a good policy. (And, wow, that is an awesome site!) So what's next for Marie Sexton? Working on anything new? Can you give us a tiny peek? How about a bit of "candy"?

I do have two releases coming up after Paris. First is Between Sinners and Saints, which will be released by Amber Allure on May 29. This is a contemporary m/m about a playboy bartender from Miami and his very innocent massage therapist. Then on August 22, Total e-Bound will release Song of Oestend, which is my first big venture out of contemporary. I don't quite know how to classify it. It's sort of an alternate universe old-west fantasy, I guess. And right at this moment, I'm working on space pirate smut. And if you say, Ice Pirates, I will honestly tell you that I've never seen that movie. My space pirates are more like Wraeththu. Except, you know, not.

How nice of them to release Song of Oestend for my birthday! :D

All three of those sound like a lot of fun, but I'm really looking forward to those space pirates. (And I've never seen Ice Pirates either, so you're in good company.) I love Storm Constantine's Wraeththu. I had actually just finished the prequel to The Devil's Garden when I met her several years ago at a con; a friend of mine told me that my Meer reminded her of the Wraeththu so I had to read her books, and of course I was hooked.

I won't do a sneak peek of the pirates yet, but if you haven't seen it, you can go to my November newsletter here:

http://mariesexton.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Newsletter.pdf Scroll down to page 3, and you'll find an excerpt from Between Sinners and Saints.

And candy? I have lots of that! I'll share one of my favorite shots EVER from BeautifulMag.

Oh, my goodness. They're all...bandagey and ropey and...what's his other hand doing? I'll be back in a minute...or maybe I should just end this here. ;) Thanks so much for letting me interview you, Marie! You're welcome to join me Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell any time. :)

Marie Sexton

Marie Sexton lives in Colorado. She’s a fan of just about anything that involves muscular young men piling on top of each other. In particular, she loves the Denver Broncos and enjoys going to the games with her husband. Her imaginary friends often tag along. Marie has one daughter, two cats, and one dog, all of whom seem bent on destroying what remains of her sanity. She loves them anyway.

Visit Marie’s website:

http://mariesexton.net/

Follow her on Facebook and Twitter, join her mailing list, and absolutely don’t forget to check out her tumblr. (Tumblr NOT work safe.) And there’s always her email.

I want candy (now SFW)

Everybody else has candy. Why can't I have candy? A lot of my writer friends are known for posting "man candy"—which I love; don't get me wrong. I just figured turnabout's fair play, so I thought I'd post a little candy of my own.

This reminds me of Ola Vasilyevna, my little Russian angel-demon. I don't know who that is behind her; certainly not Thiel. Maybe it's Hades.

Love this one, too.

Update: I've linked to the photos I'm referring to after finding the photographer's website: Olga Guzhevnikova. She has several more of this gorgeous model, whose name I don't know.

Try, try again, or "the road to excess"

It's an old adage, but one that is especially true of writing: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That second "try" is key—and there are many more "tries" to this truism when it comes to writing. Want to know how many tries it took me to get an agent? Read my interview at QueryTracker.net:

http://querytracker.net/jane_kindred.php

It's a few months late because my response to the interview questionnaire got lost in cyberspace, so I recently had to try, try again. ;)

If you're still on the road to getting an agent, I hope hearing about how long I spent on it will be more encouraging than discouraging. Part of the reason it took me as long as it did is that I gave in to despair too many times along the way. But as one of the "infernal proverbs" in William Blake's The Marriage of Heaven and Hell says,

The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom...for we never know what is enough until we know what is more than enough.

At least now I know how much wallowing is more than enough. Not that it stops me from wallowing in the Slough of Despond every time my manuscript gets a rejection from a publisher, but I plan to keep on the road, slough or no slough, until I get there.

I guess all this is a roundabout way of saying that if you really want to be a writer, you have to be a glutton for punishment. ;)

A book by its cover

The Devil's Garden cover art
The Devil's Garden cover art

Go ahead, judge The Devil's Garden:

I am head over heels over this cover designed by Frauke at www.crocodesigns.com.  I already knew Carina had a knack for getting their covers right. It was actually one of the reasons I put them at the top of my list when submitting my novella, because speaking for myself, I do judge a book by its cover. When I'm browsing for something to read, the cover has to grab me or I won't even stop to see the title, let alone the copy.

I think this is even more important for ebooks than for traditionally published books. As a website design manager by day, I'm very aware of how people scan webpages and of what attracts the eye. A website can have terrific content, but if it's poorly organized, cluttered, or just badly designed, nothing past that first glimpse your visitor has will matter, and any imagery you do use has to mean something or it becomes invisible.

I'm willing to wager that The Devil's Garden will not be invisible.

But it isn't just a pretty picture. To be perfectly honest, when I saw my cover, I cried. It was so important to me that the tone be right and that Ume be portrayed as the beautiful, strong, and alluring woman of color she is. I couldn't have imagined a cover as perfect as this one.

(All right, so the eyes are violet; I considered requesting they be changed to amber to match the character, but the contrast with the orange and gold tones looks so striking that I decided to let it go. Do you think I'm making a mistake? Let me know in the comments. I would hate for it to be perceived as "whitewashing," but considering one of the photos I sent for inspiration was of Indian actress Aishwarya Rai who has grey-blue eyes, I didn't think it was.)

While writing the story, before I had visions of Bollywood beauties, the image I had in my head of Ume was that of Gwen Araujo, to whom the novella is dedicated, and that's still the face I see when I think of Ume (and Cillian). If Gwen could see the cover, I hope she'd be pleased.

It occurs to me, however, that "judging a book by its cover" is at the heart of what this story is about, and at the heart of the brutal murder that prompted me to write about this heroine. Gwen was judged—first as a beauty, a woman, an object of desire; then for what didn't show on the cover: that she was born male.

In my own way, I too am objectifying Gwen. Did her story touch me so deeply only because of what I see when I look at her picture? Do people care more about what happened to Gwen than to other victims of trans-hatred simply because she was what we deem beautiful? I hope that isn't so. But I can't deny that I judge people by what's on the outside. I can't deny that Gwen's eyes haunt me, just as the eyes on the cover of The Devil's Garden do. I can only ponder whether I'm perpetuating the very ugliness I'm trying to bring to light. But maybe in the light, the fear and hatred of that which is different—and of that which is willingly feminine—will lose their power.

So thank you, Gwen for all that you were inside and out, and for continuing to touch my heart and make me think.

And thank you, Frauke and Carina for doing such a wonderful job of bringing the hazy images in my head to life.

Of plum blossoms and body ink

Several years ago when I finished writing my first novel I started a tradition: each time I finished a book, I would get a tattoo. Blue moon tattooThe first tattoo was my blue moon. This was for my novel Blood Maiden, and represents a carving on a dagger that one of the characters carried (though hers had a blood moon instead of a blue), as well as representing the (erroneous) popular definition of a blue moon as the second full moon in a calendar month.

In addition, it represents my connection with my mother, who died when I was 14. In college I chose "Blue Moon" as one of my performance pieces for voice class, and when I went out for dinner with my father for my 21st birthday, I happened to mention it as I was ordering my first-ever alcoholic beverage with Dad, my new favorite: a rum screwdriver. My father stared at me for a moment and said, "that was your mom's favorite drink," and then when I mentioned the song, "your mom sang that in college." Ever since then, the image of a blue moon made me feel connected to her, so the tattoo seemed fitting. I don't drink too many rum screwdrivers anymore, but the tattoo is forever. ;)

Isis knot tattooMy second novel was Anamnesis, and for reasons too complicated to explain, Isis and Kali became symbols of the divine feminine for me during the emotional upheaval of writing that manuscript. So for Anamnesis, I created my own version of a tyet or "Isis knot."

The two Sanskrit characters framing it represent the bija "seed sound" mantras for Agni (fire): hum, and Kali: krim. With these three symbols together, I was invoking the ultimate in kick-ass goddess protection. After a thwarted assault by a stranger while I was walking home from the BART station one day after work, I felt I was in need of it. It has stood me in good stead ever since.

In 2005, I finished my first draft of The Devil's Garden. At the time, I thought a matching tattoo for the tyet would be appropriate: the djed. These are the two symbols carved on the pillars of pharaohs' tombs. I came up with a design for it, but was never happy with it. I even received tattoo gift money for my birthday from two dear friends who insisted I go and get it. But I just couldn't seem to get motivated to rework the design until I was happy with it, and it languished in a folder of "things to do."

After finishing up the final line edits for TDG last night, I decided to do an image search for Belphagor from the Arkhangel'sk books to go along with the Vasily images I found recently. While browsing tattooed models, I came across a tattoo of plum blossoms, and suddenly it hit me: the plum blossom sprig is the perfect symbol for TDG. It's the symbolic proof of the divine that Ume (whose name means "plum" in Japanese) receives from the Meer—and not just a plum blossom sprig, but one covered in snow. Like the symbols in Anamnesis that I later discovered were common in Middle Eastern mythology and religion, this detail was something I thought I'd invented, and yet while searching for plum blossom imagery, I discovered the blossoms often do indeed bloom while still covered in snow.

While I work on the design for my new tattoo, I've been looking at pictures of plum blossoms on the Web. Here are a few of my favorites:

[gallery link="file" orderby="ID"]

Hmm. The WP gallery insists on including the two tattoo pictures in this display. When I take them out here it deletes them from above as well. Ah, well.

Vasily!

Holy crap...I found Vasily:

And here he is complete with Pushkin mutton chops (although Vasily wouldn't be caught in the realm of the dead wearing this):

And one more:

Of course the hair would be a little more like this:

And as a bonus, I also found young Vasily:

I'm in swoony Vasily heaven. (Well, where else?) :D

Danila Polyakov

Wherein I am maudlin, rambling, and insufferably sentimental

With such a preface, how can you resist? Read my first post on "Here Be Magic," the Carina Press fantasy authors' blog: Ring the Bell, Close the Book, Quench the Candle. Sure, it's a little long, but you people are readers, aren't you? So act like it, and suck it up! And then be grateful it will be another six weeks until you have to read one of those from me again. ;)

C'mon, I even bought an image for it. It's classy.

Little things

I'm insufferably pleased with myself right now. After much hair-pulling, wailing, and human sacri—er, I mean, "positive thinking," I have finally figured out how to make my blog navigation work the way I want it to. There is now a handy-dandy home page separate from the blog. (The hyperlinks are also now in a matching and visible color, the italics finally work, and I have title images on the pages I want them on. Woohoo!) I even figured out how to back up my site and database so I could finally upgrade to the latest version of WordPress. (Yesterday. Today there was a new version. LOL.)

The only thing I'm not pleased with is the slide show. It's not that I don't know how to make it work; I do. It's that I have no images to share from my Flickr account right now that don't make the site look goofier than it already does. So I'm now displaying the default photos from the theme. (Yeah, those lovely flowers are not mine. Can't take credit.)

Ah, well. I'll take what I can get. (Otherwise known as the Belphagor philosophy.)

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Jane Kindred

Author of the Demons of Elysium and Looking Glass Gods series. Jane spent her formative years ruining her eyes reading romance novels in the Tucson sun and watching Star Trek marathons in the dark. She now writes to the sound of San Francisco foghorns while her cat slowly but surely edges her off the side of the bed.

There be magic

A fabulous group of fantasy, paranormal romance, and steampunk authors at Carina Press have recently joined together to create Here Be Magic. You'll find me in good company there, with some fantastic writers published or soon-to-be published by Carina Press and elsewhere. Look for my first post on New Year's Eve. I'll be blogging about endings and beginnings.

Second star on the right

Most of my readers are aware of my ill-fated publishing journey earlier this year with my novella The Devil's Garden. TDG had been eagerly acquired and edits were under way, when Ume and Cree suddenly found themselves floundering in open water. (And Ume was seriously displeased at the damage to her finery.) I am happy to announce that The Devil's Garden has found a new star to sail by and has a tentative release date of June 27, 2011 with the awesome Carina Press!

In case you're wondering what's up with the maritime metaphors, I was quite taken with the meaning behind the name Carina. From the FAQ at Carina Press:

Carina is a constellation in the southern sky. Its name is Latin for the keel of a ship, and it was formerly part of the larger constellation of Argo Navis which represents the Argo, the ship from Greek mythology that carried heroes Jason and the Argonauts on their successful voyage to capture the Golden Fleece.

We’re suckers for a great story, and Greek mythology is full of fantastic stories — when we came upon Carina, the sailing imagery really appealed to us (we even included sails in our logo). We’re sailing in a new, exciting direction into uncharted waters.

And I am thrilled to be sailing with them. They're nautical, but nice. ;)

"Represented by"

Two of a writer's favorite words...and I just got to put them in my bio! :D For those who haven't already heard the squealing on Twitter, I am thrilled to officially announce that I have signed with the fabulous Sara Megibow of Nelson Literary Agency.

Anazakia and the boys will soon be winging their way into the big bad world of Man. ;)

Things are coming...wait, look over there!

There are two things of goodness coming, neither of which I'm able to fully divulge yet. But I can partially divulge them, and partially divulge I shall. I hope to be able to post the full details in the next week or two, but in the meantime, I've uploaded a new batch of images to the slide show in the banner. La-la-la, aren't they pretty? (The images that were in the banner are now below.)

[gallery link="file" orderby="ID"]

The first one is from my recent trip to New York (okay, Hoboken, but I ran away for a day and went to The Cloisters); this shot of the chapel inside The Cloisters (taken with a phone and no flash) looks like a painting to me. I thought it was cool, so I thought I'd share it. Next are a few shots from my recent business trips to Hoboken and Chicago, and the rest are things I've seen recently on my hilly San Francisco walks (all cell phone pics, so don't judge me).

Oh, what's that? The things of goodness? What, you don't think my pictures are good enough? Oh, fine.

Thing One: I am very pleased to announce that The Devil's Garden has found a new home, and one I'm very excited about. It has a tentative release date of June 27, 2011.

And Thing Two: I've received an offer of representation from a fabulous literary agent for The House of Arkhangel'sk.

:)

Malchik: A demon porn teaser

I've been threatening to post a teaser for my Arkhangel'sk books for a while now, and it's time I put out. The scene that follows doesn't appear in The House of Arkhangel'sk trilogy. It's just a little demon porn treat. (All right, so it's not so much demon porn as demon romantica, but there's only so much I can do with a broody leather demon. He wouldn't give me porn. Maybe next time.)


Malchik

The Prince of Tricks had been notably absent from the wingcasting table. Word had gotten ’round about the little party he'd broken up in the lower end of the Devil’s Doorstep and the sweet bit of fire demon ass he’d dragged away from it. It wasn’t much of a leap to connect one event to the other. All of Raqia knew of his patronage of the little thief, and plenty had seen him leading the blind-drunk demon to his room in the back of The Brimstone. Belphagor had done nothing either to encourage or discourage speculation. He had a reputation to maintain.

Belphagor sighed as he watched Vasily sleep, stretched out on his stomach across the cot with one bare foot hanging over the edge, his skin exuding a gentle firespirit heat. If only what was going on were even half as interesting as what the rest of Raqia was imagining. But he had, in fact, spent the past several weeks making up for the appalling lack of education to which the young demon had been exposed. Growing up on the streets of Elysium’s demon district, one might not have the advantage of celestial schooling, but a smart demon could pick up tricks and knowledge along the way that would stand him in far better stead than sterile “facts” about the Heavens distilled by dour Dominions in a stuffy schoolroom full of angelic prats.

Which was not to say that Vasily wasn’t smart. But he'd been on the streets from an earlier age than most, and thus had been at the mercy of any number of charlatans and predators, and suffered from an almost alarming naïveté. It was sweet, really. He was so eager to please and desperate to be praised. He was starved for affection—and for a firm hand. The latter, Belphagor had in abundance, and the former he couldn't help but give him. In all the years of his considerable career, Belphagor had never encountered such a genuine soul. Vasily’s emotions were as volatile as his element, but they were writ plain upon his face, and he was as quick to repent as he was to anger.

And his anger stirred Belphagor in a way he had never imagined. Like the unexpected, wild heat of Vasily’s tongue as he’d first taken Belphagor in his mouth, the young demon’s temper made the blood rush to his cock and made his heart beat with a violent measure, while his insolence made Belphagor want to do Vasily genuine harm. It stirred memories he ached to recall, memories of a beautiful Russian prince staring down at him with measured fury, warm grey eyes gone cold, when Belphagor had pushed him too far with his own insolence.

He'd been younger than Vasily was now when Fil had taken him as a lover. Oblivious to the backdrop of the restless country on the brink of revolution, Belphagor had spent that cold Petrograd winter of 1916 inflamed with alternating currents of jealousy and desire. He'd thought it all a game until that moment when he’d gone too far, trying to humiliate the prince in front of his social set because he felt neglected. That moment in the Nevsky Prospekt flat, when Fil had taken him aside and stared down at him with what looked like hate as he’d rebuked him was one of the most painful Belphagor had experienced in his young life.

The anger Vasily aroused in him now wracked him with a conflicting battle of emotion between the hot spark of urgent need to cause the demon pain and put him in his place, and the desperate fear that he would lose him. It was too much to contend with on top of his feelings of guilt over the young demon’s age; Vasily might be past the age of consent in the world of Man, and might have sold his favors to demons long before he had been, but he was decidedly "unworldly" in either plane. So Belphagor had taken a mental step away from his desires and concentrated instead on Vasily’s education.

The worst part of all of it was Vasily’s increasing frustration as Belphagor evaded any intimacy between them. It was a small room he rented in the back of this den of iniquity, and while he strove to spend as much time outside of it as possible during the day, there was no avoiding the presence of the hot little demon in his bed at night.

There was, of course, only room for one in his cot, and so Belphagor took to the floor with a pile of blankets, but more often than not, he'd find Vasily climbing under the covers with him and curling up in his arms. It made sleep impossible. Not for Vasily, who barely woke to slip out of the cot and drifted off immediately with Belphagor’s arms around him. But for Belphagor, feeling the long, sinewy limbs sprawled across his own, and the uncanny warmth the firespirit exuded without breaking a sweat, it was torture. Delightful torture, but torture just the same.

And in the mornings—well, Belphagor had quickly learned to be an early riser, or he would be rising in more ways than one.

Vasily stirred on the cot under Belphagor’s gaze and opened his eyes.  Belphagor looked away, intent on his coffee and eggs.

“You got breakfast without me,” Vasily yawned. “Again.”

“Serves you right for your indolence.” Belphagor dipped his toast in the yolk and winked at Vasily as he took a bite.

Vasily rolled over onto his back, stretching his arms and tucking them behind his head. Belphagor had given him a castoff alkogolichka—a sleeveless undershirt of the type the angels called a “demoness beater”—and a pair of striped boxers from the world of Man to sleep in after finding the prospect of the naked demon slipping under the covers with him too much to take. Though he'd been underfed when Belphagor took him in, his frame was swiftly filling out, and the thin, ribbed fabric stretched tightly over Vasily’s broad chest, while the boxers—

Belphagor sputtered on a sip of hot coffee gone down the wrong pipe and turned his attention back to his food. Barely of age or not, no one could accuse Vasily of not being a healthy young lad.

“What boring market are you dragging me to today?” Vasily grumbled, oblivious to his own allure.

“May seem boring to you now,” said Belphagor after he’d stopped coughing and collected himself, “but knowing how to count facets and use them wisely is vital for success at the wingcasting table.”

“I don’t see why I can’t learn it at the wingcasting table.”

Belphagor laughed. “I don’t think I could afford the tuition.”

Vasily gave him an exaggerated sigh as he rose and pulled on a pair of American blue jeans Belphagor had won some months ago in a game in the world of Man before the collapse of the Soviet Union had made them less of a luxury. They fit Vasily’s ass perfectly.

“I’m going to the ‘tualyet’.” Vasily rolled his eyes at the word Belphagor insisted he use in place of shitcan. He pulled on his boots and grabbed the other slice of toast from Belphagor’s plate as he headed for the door.

Belphagor made a swing for him as he dashed past and managed to slap him on the ass. He regretted it immediately as both of them paused in the midst of laughter and grew serious. Belphagor looked away and Vasily stood for a moment longer in the doorway, and then sighed and went out.

#

When Vasily returned, Belphagor was folding the blankets he slept on and stacking them on the cot. Vasily watched the dark-haired demon for a moment. He wore the sleeves of his black t-shirt rolled up over his well-developed biceps as if the fabric were too tight to contain them, neatly framing tattoos of a naked pinup girl with angels’ wings on one arm and the head of a lion on the other. He'd asked Belphagor a few times what they meant, but had gotten nothing but noncommittal grunts for his trouble.

Belphagor looked up as he approached him, giving him that same guarded look he was all about lately.

Vasily stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

“Mad at you?” Belphagor’s brow wrinkled, making the metal bar piercing his left eyebrow flash in the thin shaft of sunlight that managed to get through a tear in the dark curtains. “Why in Heaven’s name would I be mad at you?”

“Have you decided you don’t want me here?”

Belphagor set the blankets aside, his face devoid of emotion. “What brought this on?”

It was an evasion, and worse than that, it was a lie. Belphagor knew damn well what had brought it on. Vasily hated being lied to. The heat in Vasily's eyes was immediate, like a fever headache had struck behind them. “You think I’m stupid,” he snapped. “That’s what it is, isn’t it? You think you’re so damn smart and I’m just a stupid suka who doesn’t know anything but sucking khui!”

Belphagor stepped toward him so swiftly that the slap took Vasily by surprise. He stumbled, blinking back tears at the unexpected sting. Belphagor snarled at him like a rabid wolf. “Who taught you that fucking word?”

Vasily's tears evaporated instantly in the fire of outrage. “Who the fuck are you? My schoolmaster? You the only who gets to teach me words? Poshel na khui!”

Belphagor seized him by the arms, his strong, ink-marked hands biting into the flesh, and Vasily felt a stirring of alarm at the look in his eyes. Belphagor was only an airspirit and there was no fire in the dark gaze, but something about it made his balls clench. “I asked you a question.” Belphagor’s voice was even, but the intensity behind the words was ominous.

Vasily wasn’t about to let him know he’d scared him. Defiance seemed like the only reasonable option. “So? What are you going to do, give me another strapping?”

Something glinted in Belphagor’s eyes and he almost smiled, though the dangerous stillness remained. “Do you want another strapping?”

“Fuck you, Belphagor.”

Belphagor swung him around in a smooth motion and slammed Vasily onto his back on the cot, nearly knocking the wind out of him. The older demon climbed over his thighs, still pinning his arms at his sides. “Fuck me?”

Vasily’s heart was pounding with fear. And something else. Something frantic. He jerked against Belphagor’s grip. “Fuck! You!”

Belphagor let go of him and Vasily was too surprised for a moment to move. “Roll over,” said Belphagor, with utter calm.

“What?”

“On your stomach.” Belphagor climbed off and stood. “Or get out.”

“Why?” The air felt trapped in his lungs, as if he couldn’t breathe out. “What are you going to do?”

“Roll over,” Belphagor repeated. “Or get out.” The dark eyes were unreadable.

Vasily stared up at him a moment longer, trying to catch his breath. He ought to just get up. The tattooed sonofabitch could go fuck himself. He rolled over, the pounding in his chest increasing. Nothing happened. “What are you—?”

“Pull down your pants.”

Vasily shivered. “Why?” His voice had gone very thick, as if he couldn’t quite get it out.

“I’m not going to ask you again.”

Vasily bit his lip and began unbuttoning the jeans. He took his time, one warm, riveted button after the other. Belphagor didn’t make a sound behind him. Vasily lifted his hips and wiggled the fabric down to his thighs and lay breathing shallowly into the blanket, waiting.

“Shorts,” snapped Belphagor.

Vasily’s breath quickened as he slid the boxers over his cock and bared his ass. His cock was so hard it hurt. Again, he waited. From the stillness behind him he thought for a moment Belphagor had somehow slipped out without him knowing, and he turned his head, but Belphagor’s hand was there, swift and firm, turning his face to the blanket. Vasily lay still while the hand moved down his shoulder and back, unable to stifle a gasp as it paused on his bare flesh.

“Damn,” Belphagor whispered, and then struck him with the flat of his palm so dead-on that the retort startled Vasily before the brutal sting of it registered.

Vasily bit the blanket tightly and hissed between his teeth, not wanting to give Belphagor the satisfaction of crying out. But the hand was brushing softly over the throbbing heat of the spot it had struck, barely touching. Vasily squirmed against the blanket as Belphagor’s palm moved and hovered over the other cheek. He could feel the heat in the callused hand as well, radiating from it like Vasily’s element. Vasily’s cock rubbed against the rough blanket as he squirmed, and he groaned at the delicious friction of it.

Belphagor leaned down and whispered at his ear. “What’s the matter, malchik?” There was something in the way the demon said this word, the Russian for “boy,” that made Vasily quiver and ache inexplicably.

“Please,” he gasped, wriggling and pushing into the harsh fabric.

“What do you want?”

“More,” he breathed.

The blazing speed and blunt force of the hand on his bared cheek thrust him forward against the cot and Vasily gave a startled shout as the pent-up heat in his cock shot against his stomach without warning. He moaned and writhed as it shuddered out of him while Belphagor’s rough hand stroked the place he’d struck.

“Sweet boy,” whispered Belphagor. “Was that all it took?”

“I’m sorry,” Vasily gasped into the blanket. “Please. You can fuck me anyway.”

Belphagor chuckled deep in his throat as he straddled Vasily fully clothed. “Oh, can I?” He stretched himself against Vasily’s body and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “That’s very generous of you.”

He could feel Belphagor’s hardness pressed against him through the fabric of his pants, and he trembled at the thought of being taken by him.

“Not yet,” Belphagor murmured at his ear.

The refusal in the face of the demon’s obvious arousal confounded him; Belphagor had let him stay and yet avoided his touch ever since, sleeping on the floor and keeping his distance. It was maddening.

“Don’t you want me?”

Belphagor’s arms tightened around him. “Oh, yes, malchik,” he whispered.

“Then why? Why won’t you?”

“Because,” said Belphagor, as if his words made perfect sense. “I want you.” Vasily growled beneath him in frustration and Belphagor chuckled again and kissed his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. “I don’t want you to leave me,” Belphagor admitted, resting his cheek against Vasily’s.

“I’m not!” Vasily exclaimed. “I won’t! I swear it!”

Belphagor kissed his cheek. “We’ll see, malchik.” His arms tightened further, hurting him just a bit. “In the meantime, who taught you that word?”

“What word?” Vasily pushed back against him in exasperation. “Khui? What’s the matter with it? It’s just cock!”

“No,” said Belphagor. “The other.” He paused for a moment and then bit out the word as if it soiled his mouth. “Suka.”

Vasily tried to turn in his arms, but Belphagor wouldn’t let him. “I don’t remember.”

“Did you let angels buy you?”

Vasily shrugged. “Maybe. Yes, I suppose. Once or twice.”

“Never again, do you hear me?” There was no arguing with that stony insistence. “Angels are not to touch you, and you are never to say that word again.” Belphagor shook him. “Do you hear me?”

“Yes, I promise. I won’t.”

Belphagor released his hold and brought one hand up to tuck Vasily’s hair behind his ear, letting his fingers linger at his temple. “Khorosho, malchik. Khorosho.”

Bartek Borowiec

And the Spammy for best randomly-generated suck-up goes to...

According to the latest spam comment on my blog, I have "great high quality facts." I'm laughing so hard I can barely compose this post. Thank you, "Cheap Coffeemaker," for brightening my day. :)

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Jane Kindred

Author of the Demons of Elysium and Looking Glass Gods series. Jane spent her formative years ruining her eyes reading romance novels in the Tucson sun and watching Star Trek marathons in the dark. She now writes to the sound of San Francisco foghorns while her cat slowly but surely edges her off the side of the bed.

Independence Day: Stranger than fiction

This website was launched in April of this year to announce my first published work. At that time, my novella The Devil's Garden had just been accepted by The E-Book Publisher Who Shall Not Be Named (TEBPWSNBN). Five days ago, my editor at TEBPWSNBN had a sudden realization that the publisher had a strict policy against underage sex in their books. This was news to me, and apparently, the first page of my manuscript in which my character's age and history was very specifically mentioned, was suddenly news to my editor after three months and one round of revisions. There are a number of things about this epiphany that are particularly odd. The publisher's submission guidelines as currently listed say nothing at all about underage sex. They do, however, state that nothing glorifying, justifying, or excusing pedophilia will be accepted, a position I wholeheartedly agree with. My editor, however, explained that underage sex, in TEBPWSNBN's opinion, would somehow do just that.

Strange and outrageous, but that's their stance. However, my book contains no underage sex. What it contains is a 17-year-old character who is a well-established courtesan in an archaic fantasy setting in which 13 is the age of consent. Because my character was thrown out on the streets at age 12 to fend for herself, the history of the character does include underage sex, but the story does not, unless we're calling 17 underage, which most of the world does not.

Setting aside the character's current age and the fact that her history is just that, I was asked to increase her age by six years to make her 18 instead of 12 at the time of being thrown out. I explained that in a world in which the age of marriage was 13, one would not throw out an 18-year-old (an 18-year-old living with parents would be unheard of), and in the strange event that one did get thrown out of one's home at 18, it would hardly be tragic; finding work would be no more difficult than for any other adult in her society.

I offered to change the initial age to 13, but was told that this was unacceptable. The editor suggested that for the character's history to imply any kind of sexual activity before the age of 18 would open TEBPWSNBN up to prosecution under US law. If we were not in The Land of Make Believe prior to this statement, we had firmly entered it now.

If I were desperate to be published under any circumstances, perhaps I would have consented to making my story a rather silly tale about an aging courtesan who began her career at the age of 18 after being a drain on her family for the first five years of her adult life. A few people suggested I should let the story go; once written, it was just a commodity, and had no personal meaning. But this story has a great deal of meaning for me. I wrote it in honor of Gwen Araujo, a young trans-woman who was murdered at the age of 17 for being true to who she was.

My publisher had agreed in my contract not to make any material changes to the text of my manuscript, and this was most certainly a material change. I remained firm in my position, and TEBPWSNBN cut me loose.

For me, saying no to this compromise of my story and my character was an easy decision, but a brutally painful one just the same. I have been working toward this goal for more than 30 years. It is all I have ever wanted: to see my work in print and to put the word "author" in front of my name. Perhaps this will turn out to have been my one opportunity to grab the brass ring. Unlike my character Ume Sky, I am no longer in my prime. But like Ume, I cannot be bought cheaply. I know the worth of what I'm selling.

Those lying steamboat captains! Grrr!

I adore the NY Times archives. I come across these old articles every once in a while during random research that are so entertaining it makes me wish I lived a hundred or so years ago if for no other reason than to look forward to the morning paper. Tonight I was researching steamboat speed for the Anamnesis Delta and came across this gem, which I've typed up in its entirety from the October 8, 1892 issue of the NY Times and offer it for your enjoyment. (I assume this is in the public domain, but I'm sure someone will come along soon enough to ask me to cease and desist if it isn't.) The Speed of Steamboats

The steamboat season may now be regarded as at its close. It goes out in a blaze of glory, owing to the advent of a new vessel, whose Captain has succumbed to the inevitable temptation of beating some other vessel in a race and then boasting of his steamer's remarkable speed. This seems to be a very good time to say that in the bright lexicon of the steamboat Captain there is no such word as slow. In his merry imagination miles are ticked off by the boat's clock in spaces of time which are strangely mysterious. For it should be noted that these wonderful bursts of speed never take place on regular trips of the boats; or, at any rate, no passenger has ever been found who reached his destination the sooner because of one.

The real truth of the matter is that in the waters around New-York City there is not a steamboat afloat to-day that can make the speed with which she is generally credited in the minds of steamboat travelers. It is not for us to say who is responsible for the popular misinformation on this interesting topic. No doubt the steamboat Captains can easily prove that the disseminators of the exaggerations are the newspapers. We are not prepared to deny this, but content ourselves with expressing the hope that no one will press the inquiry as to who told yarns to the reporters.

It should be added that the popular mind is led further astray by the failure to discriminate between nautical and statute miles. No steamboat Captain was ever guilty of the gross carelessness of stating the speed of his vessel in sea miles. A land mile is shorter by about one-seventh of its own measurement than a sea mile. Therefore a steamboat can log more land than sea miles to an hour, and, equally therefore, the steamboat Captain uses the former in his reckonings of speed. Hence when the ordinary wayfarer on the waters hears of a steamboat's making 20 miles an hour he thinks she is going at the habitual gait of the City of Paris; which she is not by about 2-1/2 land miles per hour.

Now, it appears that in the latest contest of speed on Long Island Sound one of the racers, according to her skipper, made 22 miles an hour--land miles, of course. The steamboat which did this plies between a point near the Brooklyn Bridge and City of New Haven. The distance from the bridge to Sands Point, where this recent race ended, is 17-3/8 nautical, or 20 land miles, and from the Point to the Southwest Ledge Light at the entrance to New-Haven Harbor it is 42-1/2 nautical and 49 land miles. Now, knocking off the exra two miles--which may have been due to forced draught, in the furnace room or the pilot house--and putting the ordinary running speed of the boat at 20 land miles an hour, she ought to make the run from her wharf here to the Southwest Ledge Light in three hours and a half. However, we must allow her an extra half hour for the delays of East River and Hell Gate navigation, and give her four hours for the run. When she makes it in that time, the passengers will no doubt be very highly delighted.

The Captain of this vessel properly referred to the Sandy Hook boats as models of speed. They are, indeed, fast, but not quite so fast as they are said to be. The time which they usually occupy in making the run from Pier 8 North River to their wharf at the Atlantic Highlands is an hour and five minutes. The distance from the Battery is 17-1/2 nautical and 20 land miles. When a boat makes 20 miles in an hour and five minutes, she is traveling at the rate of 18-1/2 miles per hour. This is excellent going; but as most of the old travelers on the Monouth and Sandy Hook are under the impression that these vessels can do 22 or 23 miles an hour, it is disappointing. No doubt they could and would do it if they should chance to meet that New-Haven boat out in the widest part of Long Island Sound on a dark October night.

This whole matter of steamboat speed is best explained by the absence of all satisfactory tests. The trial over the measured course in water unaffected by tidal currents is not given to steamboats as a rule. The trial trip of a new boat in this part of the world consists of a run down the bay or up the Hudson, in the course of which many men of maritime pursuits discover the sun over the foreyard at irregular but frequent intervals. When the boat returns the Captain announces that she attained a speed of so many miles per hour. She then goes into her regular daily business, and never attains that speed again. The result of which is that some observant persons are forced to the conclusion that a steamboat is a vessel which can go very fast--but won't.

With a Bit of a Mind Flip, You're into the Time Slip

Ever feel like you're living in a very odd, alternate reality? Sometimes it seems I've fallen into Frederik Pohl's There Will Be Time or Richard Bach's One, or anything by Philip K. Dick. I have the niggling suspicion that I took a wrong turn, or a thousand wrong turns, and every subsequent action further tangles the continuum. Eh. Maybe it's just PMS.

Whatever it is, it's accompanied by a sort of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" anxiety, as if at any moment the curtain will be pulled back (or the false skin on the prophet's mutant face) and the wrongness of it all will come spilling out like a pile of maggots on a sloughing corpse. Yeah, I'm in a mood.

I suppose writing until 2:00 a.m. and sleeping until 10:00 a.m. and waking with a massive sinus headache to a dismally grey fogged-in May morning hasn't particularly helped my state of mind. Also, the fact that I want to finish the novel I'm working on, finish my novella's pre-edits, and finish up three months' worth of work projects before I leave for my cruise next week may be putting a tad bit of pressure on me. Without pressure, though, I accomplish nothing.

Still, it isn't just today. It's that on days like today it's impossible to ignore the idea that everything around me is a prop in an elaborate farce. I used to think about that a lot as a kid. Sitting in church, where I got all of my weird, creative ideas as my mind wandered away from the pulpit, I would look around and think, "What if none of this is really happening? What if I'm not really here, not really doing any of this, and everyone else is in on it?" And then I'd think, "What if I'm just a memory of this moment?" And I am, now—or at least the ten-year-old me having that thought is. And that's pretty unnerving.

Bah. I think I'll go get some coffee and set off another hundred alternate realities, and leave the rest of this to Stephen Hawking.

Photostream

You might be wondering what that slide show is in the banner. Those are the last nine pictures I uploaded to Flickr. At the time I originally wrote this post, they were pictures from my trip to St. Petersburg, Russia in June/July 2006, now shown below. View the progression of sunset beginning at midnight on July 6: [gallery link="file"]

When I first arrived in St. Petersburg in early June, the sun "set" around 2:00 a.m. (more of a twilight than a setting), and was back at it by 3:00 a.m. By the beginning of July, twilight started around midnight, with some near-darkness around 2:30 in the morning that lasted a couple of hours.

The pictures were taken on my last night there. My roommate and I took the metro to Finland Station from our Lesnoy Prospekt flat to see the bridges rise on the Neva. The last bridge finished rising around 2:45 a.m. The metro had stopped running for the night, so we walked back to the flat in the grey semi-darkness. That walk continues to appear in different guises in my books. (Right now, it's doing a stint as a walk in the underworld.) So many memories from that trip I will always cherish, but that last, quiet walk, knowing I was leaving for the US in the morning and might never see the White Nights again...that will stay with me forever.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary

I spent the day gardening, both inside and out. First, I finally got my new website and blog together, and up and running after sitting on my domain for two years. You're looking at it. (There are still a few things to add, like my blogroll and Twitter feed, and various other knick-knacks, but the basics are here.) Then I gardened out on the deck next to my little office. Sort of. Let me go back about six months first to give you the setting: The first week of November 2009, my landlady notified me that the building my neighbor and friends lovingly called "The Crack House" due to its aging paint job was going to be painted. How lovely, I thought. (Personally, I was kind of fond of the sad, grey Crack House, but I like shabby chic.)

Thus began a long, dark autumn and winter with the apartment shrouded in sheets of black mesh. (A darkness I didn't need with my Seasonal Affective Disorder; the usual lack of sun was good enough, thanks). Outside my bedroom window, strange men walked back and forth on scaffolding all day long shouting at each other (clearly thinking that the residents inside couldn't possibly know what puta meant), and were kind enough to start my day at 7:30 in the morning with their radio on the scaffolding set to banda music.

The shroud came off in February, but by then, the contractor had begun rebuilding my deck. (Wait, rebuilding my deck? What does this have to do with painting The Crack House? I have no idea. It was news to me.) With more strange men wandering about outside my curtainless office windows at any given moment, I was banished to the bedroom (because I work from home, and, I confess, usually in my bathrobe). It's a fine bedroom, but the light is mostly in the back of the house, which is why my office is there in what was once a sun porch.

Worse than being banished from my office, however, I was banished from my garden. I came out one morning to find all of my plants and deck furniture crammed into a pile in the center of the deck while the fence was being torn down. The rainy season hit immediately afterward and it remained in this state of disarray for several weeks. Once the fence was demolished, I found all of my belongings tossed into a pile on the roof behind the deck, plants on top of plants, and piles of work supplies on top of those. I waited (not very) patiently while the deck was torn up and a new deck was constructed, and then a new fence.

When they seemed done at last, I went outside to see how it looked and found the charming situation pictured to the left. The back door would only open halfway, thanks to the contractor's failure to measure the door when she put in a new step. I then waited while the rain returned, told that despite the fact that this step is under the roof, they could do nothing while it rained.

Finally, I heard the carpenters outside one morning and rejoiced. I would be able to use my new deck at last. I took a look when they were done to see if they had really fixed the step, and discovered that King Solomon had apparently lent his wisdom to the task. The result is on the right. Well, hell, at least it works.

You thought this story was over? So did I. The contractor told me that the crew would move my belongings back as soon as the inspector came. Two weeks passed. I spoke with the landlady, wondering when in the name of all that is holy I was going to be allowed to have my garden back. She was surprised, since the contractor had told her two weeks ago that the inspection was done and she was moving the furniture back. Then she added one little nugget that was the perfect ending: the contractor had informed her that plants could not be kept on the deck, because watering them would ruin the wood. I'm just going to end there and enjoy the sound of brains exploding on monitors.

Oh, and yes, I spent the last two days moving all of my furniture and plants back where they belong. A butterfly landed on the deck and warmed its wings. Birds sat on the fenceposts and sang. I kid you not. And wonder of wonders, my poor, bedraggled little Betty Boop rose bush that had been buried in tarps and buckets for months is sprouting two lovely buds.

Today is the first day back at my desk, sitting with the window open as I type, and seeing the green outside. And look how much I've accomplished: an entire website.

(I did, however, manage to accomplish one little thing while in the Slough of Despond of the past six months: I submitted my novella The Devil's Garden to [redacted]...it will be published in 2011. Update, July 4, 2010: See Independence Day: Stranger than fiction. [Redacted] is no longer my publisher.)